Long-term Effects of Sudden Bereavement: When a Child Loses a Parent

Children’s experience of grief almost exactly repeats the experience of grief in adults. Nevertheless, the reactions of children do appear differently and often differ from those that adults expect from them. The opinion that children do not experience grief as much as adults do is largely mistaken. This contributes to the misconception of adults about children, when it is considered that children do not have the experience of grief and emotional pain. Such an opinion, at first glance, is not unreasonable. Indeed, children often confuse feelings and thoughts. They have considerable difficulty to express them. However, despite the fact that small children are not able to express their feelings, they are characterized by the same strong feelings and thoughts that adults have. Thus, the main aim of the assignment is to explore long-term effects of sudden bereavement, when a child loses a parent because the death of a parent is a very hard and traumatic event. 

To begin, it is important to mention that for adults and children, grief is an individual experience. The way in which children experience sudden bereavement of a parent depends on their personality and age. Contrary to the beliefs of some people, there is no lower age limit for a child’s experience of grief. For a child who is not yet sufficiently fluent in speech, but who has already lost someone from his or her loved ones, grief acquires an exclusively physical and emotional character, becomes an experience verbatim. The child cannot overcome this trouble using words. Loss and grief at an early age destroys the soul from within, for example, by physical experience, without affecting the intellect, even when the child later (becoming older) learned to use logic and speech to overcome life problems. According to Ellis et al (2013), a very little child, experiencing grief almost separates themselves from the outside world. The physical absence of a significant person for the child leaves a huge psychological void in the child’s heart.

Young children (up to 5 years) are aware of value judgments and explain the world, taking into account the opinions and actions of adults around them. The child is unable to understand the meaning of the words “death”, “always” or “will never return.” Lewis and Lippman (2004) stated that little children do not understand these abstract words; it is also difficult for them to understand abstract explanations of the causes of death. The child is aware and perceives only specific actions and events.

Children do not understand that death is final, and therefore they think that those who have died may return or that they can go to him or her. They will react to the loss, becoming annoying and irritable, or – in more severe cases – extremely withdrawn. In some cases, children’s grief may not look like an adult’s grief. It is disguised as “weirdness” of behavior, and sometimes under hyper-obedience and “correctness”.

When a person experiences a loss, the world changes irreversibly, everything comes to a state of chaos. It takes time to restore one’s own world, to replace something, to rebuild something, to arrange something in places. This is the process of mourning. Grief is not just a feeling; grief is a big job. It requires all the mental forces of a child. Children, as well as adults, accept reality gradually and fluctuate between denial and acceptance of what has happened.

A child experiencing grief often becomes more withdrawn and silent. In acute cases, even mutism occurs that is the complete loss of speech on the nerves. The child often does not understand the connection of this state with the loss. The most preferred society includes small children (who are not yet able to speak), very old people, or domestic animals. Their advantages are in the facts that they “do not stick”, but at the same time relieve from loneliness. Hoeg et al (2018) said that a child receives an opportunity just sit with them, touch them and care of them without the risk of invading their inner world. In such a way, children who have lost one of their relatives have strong and often new feelings. They are frightened that they cannot explain their reactions to the experience, so they need to help them understand what is happening.

At the same time, children have an incredible supply of vitality and the ability to adapt, so their grief does not last continuously, like in adults. Periods of mourning are usually replaced by gaps, when a child, as if nothing had happened again, is having fun, playing, watching favorite cartoons. It seems that children take breaks in the “work of grief”, coping with it “bit by bit”. Such a behavior gives adults the reason to conclude that a child has already forgotten everything. However, according to Nickerson et al (2011), experiencing grief returns after a short respite, sometimes in a new guise, or in a new “mask”: obedience or protest, illness or boredom. On the average, the experience of grief lasts from six months to two years.

It is important that all people involved in the fate of the child understand that many features of childish behavior and, above all, a decrease in the desire and ability to learn, are explained precisely by the experience of grief. In such a way, before drawing conclusions about specific “learning disability”, “uncontrollability”, or “abnormality”, one should take into account the circumstances of the child’s life.

In conclusion, we have observed many issues associated with the loss of a parent, and have explained that the loss of a significant parent can lead to disability of the child, to the development of severe mental and somatic diseases. In adulthood, such individuals cannot build their relationships with society, they may adapt with difficulty to surrounding reality, and they cannot educate their own children. This happens because the most important relationships, which are the basis on which all further relationships are based, the model on which children learn to love and form attachments, was attacked, destroyed or did not have time to completely harmoniously form.

References

Ellis, J., et al. (2013). Long-term impact of early parental death: lessons from a narrative study.” Journal of the Royal Society of Medcine, 106(2). 

Hoeg, B., et al. (2018). “Early Parental Loss and Intimate Relationships in Adulthood: A Nationwide Study.” Developmental Psychology, 52(5).

Lewis, P. and Lippman, J. (2004). Helping Children Cope with the Death of a Parent: A Guide for the First Year. Praeger.

Nickerson, A., et al. (2011). “The Impacts of Parental Loss and Adverse Parenting on Mental Health: Findings From the National Comorbidity Survey-Replication.” Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 5 (2).

The terms offer and acceptance. (2016, May 17). Retrieved from

[Accessed: March 29, 2024]

"The terms offer and acceptance." freeessays.club, 17 May 2016.

[Accessed: March 29, 2024]

freeessays.club (2016) The terms offer and acceptance [Online].
Available at:

[Accessed: March 29, 2024]

"The terms offer and acceptance." freeessays.club, 17 May 2016

[Accessed: March 29, 2024]

"The terms offer and acceptance." freeessays.club, 17 May 2016

[Accessed: March 29, 2024]

"The terms offer and acceptance." freeessays.club, 17 May 2016

[Accessed: March 29, 2024]

"The terms offer and acceptance." freeessays.club, 17 May 2016

[Accessed: March 29, 2024]
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